He was found at 11:30am without a pulse and was pronounced dead about an hour later. Can’t say I’m terribly moved by it. He’s been ridiculously influential and has said some remarkably inflammatory and stupid things. (Anyone remember when he said 9/11 was the fault of pagans, abortionists, gays and lesbians?) He had so much hate, and called it Christian – I wonder how often he glossed over the fact that Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes, among the “worst” people. It’s men like Falwell that made me want to study religion, especially Christianity, to try to take it back from them, to restore it, to save it. He’s dead, but his movement caught on and it’s not going anywhere, it seems.

I somehow find it very fitting that it happened today.

Today, the National Center for Transgender Equality (and others) are on Capitol Hill lobbying for the trans-inclusive ENDA that’s been proposed. One person among the many there is Susan Stanton – the Largo city-manager fired for her announcement that she would transition to female (an announcement forced by a leak to a paper). This morning, the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition had their statewide lobby day for legislation to include gender identity and expression in the statewide non-discrimination legislation.

Falwell’s heart (presumably) gave out on a day when hundreds of transgender Americans and their allies are pushing for their rights to be seen as human, to be protected under the law, and to have a shot at a life that others get to take for granted – housing, employment, safety without regard for gender identity. I was very careful about where I looked for housing – Boston and Cambridge protect transgender people from housing discrimination, but not the rest of Massachusetts (save Northhampton). Same with employment. My name will legally change this summer, and as my voice continues to drop, I need to be in places where it won’t risk losing my home or my job. These are protections that the Right has opposed, saying it protects a serious mental illness, that we are ill, deranged and even psychotic, that they will normalize deviant behavior and erode morality.

I can’t say I’m too terribly upset that his heart gave out. Someone will step up to fill the gap – and there are plenty of people with even harsher words. But, today, with legislation pending and silenced voices finally being heard, and one less voice calling out against us, I can smile.

All from November/December of 2004.

Mass Media is ok, but the freshmen are really starting to piss me off. I understand it’s an intro course and that they (for the most part) are coming out of Baby-Me High, but get a grip. College is supposed to be work. Professors aren’t supposed to reteach you the textbook -learn to think If you think this class is hard stuff, quit now, go home and flip burgers or something. If you make a mistake and the prof corrects it, don’t do it next time and don’t bitch when he calls you on it again. And don’t come to me about it to bitch just because I’m doing decently. If you won’t work, I don’t care.

This on is a snarky response to a paper prompt:

The single greatest problem facing mass communication professors is stupid, know-it-all freshman who whine when you give them a grade they deserve.

And finally an end of semester exhaustion:

I have no use for people who don’t want to work. Yes, I don’t do much, but that’s because I don’t have to (with certain exceptions for certain classes) What pisses me off is a) people who need to work, don’t want to and still expect a good grade and b) people who just don’t get it at all.. no matter how they study and who explains it.

It isn’t so much that their existence pisses me off. What pisses me off is their effect on my life. If they actually worked, maybe the level of coursework could be harder, and then, maybe, I wouldn’t be pulling out my hair most times. Frankly, if they don’t want to work, they can fail. It is not my fault if they can’t cut it, and it is not my responsibilty to make sure they don’t.

In a rare mood, I don’t mind helping people who actually want help. However, what I constantly encounter is people who want me to tell them what the answers are, not help them figure it out. It was very evident when I had to run my mass media study session. The vast majority of people who showed up hadn’t even looked at the study guide. They wanted to have me tell them the answers. Sorry, I’m not doing that. If you have a question, I’m going to do my best to help you understand the question and how to take the information you have and figure out the answer.

So, maybe I’d be a hard-ass professor that everyone hated. Fuck ‘em. You either want to learn or you don’t.

I haven’t had a day like that since I graduated and ended up here. Maybe it’s graduate school in general, the result of people having to be at least moderately committed to what they’re studying and wanting to learn whatever it is they’re here to learn. Maybe its that my classmates are 22-52 instead of 18-22 and there’s a different sense of responsibility. Or maybe it’s here. I have had amazingly stimulating conversation in the cafeteria, walking down the street or sitting at the bar with my classmates. Comments in class are supported, and starting points for debate. Sure, we complain (who doesn’t), but the critiques and criticisms that my classmates offer on assignments and lectures are logically supportable and valid, not given off-handedly and without support.

It makes me wonder about education in general. Why were my undergrad classes so infuriating? Is it the pressure that everyone should go to college that results in people that never would or should have considered it end up there? Where are the failings the preparation? I made it through public schooling in a district with overcrowded classrooms and constant budget cuts, so what allowed the system to work for me (or did I simply just survive the system) and not for others? Am I really that unique among my peers that I could pull off what they couldn’t? I certainly don’t think so. I’m a horrid slacker sometimes, but I pull it out.

I think a lot comes down to personal responsibility. If I don’t go to class or make serious mistakes in a paper that people have repeatedly corrected for me, that’s my own fault. It’s not the professors fault and it’s not the schools fault. Perhaps its an issue of personal accountability and I don’t know how one goes about addressing that.